Homemade: Apron…and giveaway

Homemade: Apron

My friend Steph brings gifts when she visits. One gift was this apron.

Which I love. And which I wear, often…not necessarily with practical, utilitarian motives. Call it my kitchen costume.

Since I love it so well, I want more aprons. More and more and more. I always do want more, when I love something. This wanting more is a trait I inherited from my stellar grandfathers. Both of them. Call the trait a redundant heirloom. I’m not letting it go; it’s precious to me. My Grandpa Wilson used to say, when he really liked something (a hamburger, perhaps, or piece of pie) “Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. This has a very Moorish flavor”. Sure do miss him.

And so, wanting more, I made more.  More Homemade Aprons.

I made them out of a thrifted skirt, a hand-me-down dress, and fabric scraps.

But I’m giving them away (see the giveaway button at the bottom? You could actually be the one to wear this apron!).

Oh the cleverness of me.  Giving away what I only wanted more of.

Consolation: I have pictures of myself in my moorish homemade aprons.

Side effect: During the “photo shoot” (smile) I was a little (or a lot) awkward, like I always keep doing in front of the camera.

Let me take you back to the scene of my apron awkwardness.

Me: “Oooh! I made a pretty apron! Isn’t it pretty? (answer self): Yes, yes it is. But… I’m giving it away! Sigh. Well, at least I’ll have pictures of me in the apron before I adios it! Hey Frank! Can you take pictures of me in this apron?”

Frank: “Ok. Sure.  Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll take your picture.”

Me: (Besides an apron, I’ve put on boots, superstitiously believing that they are somehow like ruby slippers, and can take me to a wonderful place). “I’m re-e-ady!”

Frank: “Ok. (Notices my boots): Where are we going? Where do you want me to take these pictures?”

Me: “Uhhhh…(blank look)…Oh, Yeah! The kitchen! Yes, the kitchen! Makes sense, yes? Apron, Kitchen…right?”

Frank: “Ok. Whatever. Do what you want…let me know when you’re ready.”

I look around the kitchen, and suddenly realize…I will be the subject of the apron pictures.  I feel exposed, vulnerable, unsure, unsteady.  And nonsensically desperate for props. Desperate for anything that helps me feel less foolish having my picture taken for no really important reason, like a Senate race or a Mrs. America contest,  in an apron…and boots. I spy the tall ceramic gnome Maurya and Ezra gave me for Christmas. We-e-ell… it is a really pretty color, anyway. I notice how it picks up a subtle blue in the apron.   The artist in me has a straw to grasp.  And there’s a blue candy dish over there on the counter…maybe I could somehow…hide behind it? Just a little? Or at least…it would look pretty with my apron.  And so, there I am. Mrs. Apron, in the kitchen, with a gnome and a candy dish. And boots. Guilty.

Frank: “What are you doing with that gnome?”

Me: “Uhhh…well, it’s a pretty color, don’t you think?”

Frank: “Yeah, sure. Hey, what are you doing on that chair?”

Me: “Well, I thought a picture with a gnome would make sense if it looked like I was putting the gnome away ?  And then I wouldn’t look so dumb holding a gnome in an apron? And  besides, if I’m standing on a chair (or better yet, the counter), the picture would be more flattering because, um, because it’s an upshot?   And I’d look taller and my hips would seem to  diminish in the distance?

The gnome doesn’t fit in the cabinet.

I almost fall off the counter. Twice (because, you know, I had to try hiding behind the candy dish too). You’d think it would occur to me that apron pictures on a train might at least be safer, if not more scenic.  And believable.

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