Remembering how stressful finals combined with checkout at the end of a semester could be, I thought I’d rescue my daughter last week.
Rescue? I’m not sure just who did the rescuing in that little adventure we shared.
Craving independence, abundant culture, new relationships, and an excellent music program, my daughter Maurya chose BYU Hawaii as her launching destination last fall. She got all the things she was most craving…and more. But not in the idyllic way that she expected (isn’t that always the case?). I think we could safely say that Maurya’s first semester was one of the hardest times of her life.
Cafeteria food was not to Maurya’s taste. At all. Her dorm room mini fridge functioned intermittently, so it was hard to improve upon her daily fare (spam? Really?). Besides the fact that it wasn’t easy for her to shop; the buses into town were unreliable and the prices in Laie were crazy. Her bike was stolen and then (thankfully) casually abandoned near the library later that same day. The dorm vacuum cleaner was always clogged with hair. Washers and dryers were constantly broken. Which is sad when your fridge has just randomly defrosted itself and leaked all through your dresser. Cockroaches abound in Hawaii, and so geckos were constant companions (Maurya actually liked the geckos; she was just a little startled when she discovered one halfway up her leg in the shower). Her hours to credit ratio was insane (common in music programs—but this meant that though the beach was in close proximity, she rarely saw it). Plus her French class was hard. And being a blond girl from Utah made her a bit of a cultural oddity…even an outsider.
Needless to say, I longed to make it all right, but I couldn’t. We texted. We skyped. We talked on the phone. I sent packages with hillbilly jam and homemade granola and sweaters. But I couldn’t rescue her.
In the end, Maurya’s experiences taught her better than I ever could. She appreciates me, but didn’t need a rescue. Not really.
She became beautifully self reliant and resilient. And focused. She made wonderful friends. She fell in love. She learned to write music. And especially, my uncle Chad and aunt Cynthia’s company and home gave her the comfort I longed to give. Maurya and her new boyfriend Ben were invited over nearly every Sunday for amazing dinners and wonderful conversation. I know they were wonderful and amazing because I’ve been there. Was just there again, and felt as always very nurtured.
I had my own soul-stretching adventure, leaving me on the cusp of rescue neediness, getting there last week.
I flew to Hawaii on Frank’s sky miles. I imagined that I, an adult and her mother, would be vastly comforting and quite helpful. But. Discovering that a car rental for three days would cost over $350, I decided to take a bus to Laie (home of BYUH) once I landed in Hawaii. I lost myself at the Waikiki connection as the sun set (which was a little scary, since the lady at the information desk in the airport had told me the route I needed to take was mostly ok…during daylight hours). I wandered amidst skyscrapers awhile (trying not to cry and freaking my husband out with my cell phone call) until it occurred to me to ask questions, which I did, and having at least a vague idea of which bus I should board, I boarded it. I didn’t realize it then, but I was quite lucky I was let on the bus with my luggage. With every seat taken and people standing in the aisles, luggage can make you unpopular. One bag more and I might have been kicked off. And I was also lucky to have a kind stranger advise me about when to get off. I was never entirely certain I’d gotten on the right bus until I arrived in Laie three hours later, and Maurya jumped out from the darkness and threw her arms around me. So I’m the adult? Hmm. You might wonder why I didn’t look up my connections online, or use a GPS or something. Well. Next time I will. But last week, I was still a little (no, a very lot) technologically challenged. I’m reforming.
I loved seeing Maurya in her new element, and as I rested and waited for her finals to end at Cynthia’s, I was so happy that Maurya and Cynthia had connected. Cynthia and her home are a very safe place. She took us on a little historic tour of neighborhoods and beaches the day Maurya’s finals ended. Meanwhile my laptop was slowly dying. Being technologically challenged, I unwittingly loaded precious pictures onto it and straight into oblivion. But. Maurya and I managed her checkout with Cynthia’s help, and also with her family’s help, managed to get back to the airport without using the bus (whew)…almost missing our flight because we were enjoying every last minute with Cynthia and Chad. We were so late, in fact, that the other passengers, already seated and belted, must have been entertained as they watched us struggle to get our carryon luggage into the overhead bins. I got a little round of applause as I clicked the bin shut.
Maurya had motion sickness on the flight and dry heaved the whole way home…but. She is home for Christmas. Woo-hoo!!
